Divine Irony
by stenv
Summary: Several poorly chosen words, and now Tanya finds herself in a new job. How will she fare as a goddess, can she do a better job than X? Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or properties. Please support the official release. **

'_I hate my afterlife so goddamn much right now.' _

These thoughts belonged to a strange-looking girl, who wore an all-white flowing gown. She had shoulder-length messy blonde hair, that along with her cute child-like face and silver-blue eyes would have made her adorable in any other circumstance. The only oddity was a pair of angelic white wings on her back, the sight of them, if she looked at them in a mirror, would have angered her.

The little angel was seated at a white desk, in a blinding room, looking at the orb that represented the world.

'_That unreasonable asshole..' _She thought back to how she had found herself in this situation, surrounded by heavenly hymns. Looking for the source of the music, she couldn't find where it was coming from, being seemingly omnipresent in every direction.

**The Old Life**

"Honestly, your work model is lackluster. It is clear that you mismanaged it poorly. Anyone with the proper skill could produce a more efficient system.." Her old form had stated it back then. If only she could have saved herself a headache by not speaking up.

In her old life, the angel had been an average salaryman in Japan. The salaryman had climbed up the corporate ladder, followed the laws, did everything to the best of his ability. No, the angel wouldn't have claimed to be a pleasant person. In fact, they had something of a warped personality.

And yet, they had never gone out of their way to cause harm to anyone. But while laying off numerous workers, one of them apparently lost their beloved rationality. And while at a train station the irate worker had the glorious idea to push the innocent salaryman in front of a train. Now, they were having a discussion with something claiming to be the one true god.

But the salaryman didn't consider this entity to be God, but rather something that was more akin to the devil. He had merely deemed it Being X, much to its chagrin, and it chatted about the lack of faith that humanity suffered from. In truth, the salaryman wasn't all that moved by X's plight. If anything he was rather annoyed; it was a clear sign to him that X was taking out all his frustration on its latest customer. A terrible business practice surely, though it didn't deter the salaryman from bringing up his argument.

"What? You think you could do a better job than me?!" X roared at the insolent mortal, looking like the typical depiction of the Abrahamic god, in a flowing white robe and long white hair and clean chest-length beard.

"I didn't claim that I could do it. I merely said that someone with the right skill set could," The man scoffed at the belligerent entity. "Honestly, it sounds like you're projecting onto me. Now then, you said you were in charge of reincarnation? Ah well, even if I can't reach nirvana, might as well get a move on." She wished she could have foreseen the future back then. Or had been paying closer attention to X's mood.

"Hmm, yes…" X mused to himself, stroking his beard in thought. "I shall try this out on you!" X declared, pointing a finger in the mortal man's direction.

"What?!" The Salaryman asked, confused by the sudden change in the entity's mood.

"I was going to reincarnate you, and try to teach you the meaning of faith," X said chuckling darkly. "But, if you so boldly claim that your beloved system could make mine pale in comparison, we shall put that to the test." X declared, despite the protestations of the salaryman.

"You can't be serious!" The Salaryman was grateful he wasn't going to be reincarnated at the whims of X. Although, the visage of that sinister grin and the mad look in its eyes chilled him to the bone.

"Yes, this will work quite nicely. But your current form won't do at all," X mused to itself, before the man flinched, witnessing his old body get ran over by the train. A light enveloped him and the entity, and the salaryman felt a strange sensation. It wasn't painful, but rather pleasant even, prior to the light dying down.

The former salaryman was horrified, as his body was now that of a little girl. And.. were those wings on her back now?! She could see them as the room was materializing around them, behaving strangely as she could see reflections in an expansive liquid-like pool. Before the pool disappeared, and the room solidified into a blinding white room with tiled floors, greek looking pillars holding up a white ceiling, the remaining light condensed into two separate objects. An orb that showed some kind of world that looked similar to her old one sat within its epicenter, staying a small distance away from her white desk, complete with a chair.

"You will find that this new form is more useful for inspiring the nonbelievers. However, there will be some ground rules to follow." Being X stated, having ignored the fuming angel.

"First; Your new name shall be Tanya if they ask you. After all, a feminine figure such as yourself shouldn't be using a masculine name. Consistency helps with religion, depending on who you ask." X chuckled in amusement at Tanya's fury.

"Second; You can't control free-will. The humans must make their own choices." Being X stated, while Tanya glared at him.

"And yet, you're forcing me to fix your crappy system.." She hissed with gritted teeth, to which X waved off.

"Third; only the truly faithful will be able to see you. So, if you feel you must pick an apostle, make sure you choose wisely. And be frugal with your blessings and miracles, after all, you need sufficient faith for your blessings and miracles. Otherwise, they will not work. Well, good luck _**Tanya**_." Being X emphasized her new name with great sarcasm, cackling as a great white light blinded her once again.

**Office H: Now**

Tanya was brought back to reality in her office. She deemed it Office H, instead of calling it the titular 'Heaven'. She still refused to believe that X was God, so she was sure as hell wasn't going to believe that any of this was Heaven. She sighed, as she looked over the earth once again, it wasn't even the same world she had lived in previously.

No, this world was different compared to her old one; it was in a time where war was right around the corner. And apparently, magic was a thing that existed in this world. The only real trick question she faced was: How would this work?

Tanya knew her old human tricks to run a successful business. But thanks to that damn bastard X, having left her in a random office with no form of contact, she was expected to, apparently, encourage more faithful without knowing a damn thing about her new position. Tanya finally got out from behind her desk and walked her way over to the Orb.

She had been in the office for what felt like months, and she had tried her best to inspect the Orb, only to receive a splitting headache for her trouble. It felt like a billion voices were jam-packed into her skull. Naturally, Tanya tried to figure out how to reduce the number of voices, but it seemed no easy feat.

Tanya wished she had some kind of book to help her navigate this sort of nonsense. _'Yeesh, first real sign of a shoddy manager. Can't even send a new worker through a tutorial program.'_ Tanya griped to herself, knowing that there was no one else around. She had even tried to see if the office had any exits. Though it seemingly went on forever, and always looped her back to her desk and orb.

As she faced the orb once more, Tanya wasn't one to just claim something was too hard or difficult. No, she was a great worker, so she decided to touch the island that was similar to her old country in her old life. There were still so many voices inside her head, though the number wasn't as great as it had been before.

'_So, by touching a specific part of the Orb, I can listen to the region where those voices are. Hmm, is this how divine providence works?'_ Tanya thought to herself, as she spent a long period of time familiarizing herself with her new world. From what she could tell, the current year of the world was 1920.

There were damn Communists in the world, and Tanya knew she would have to get rid of them. On top of standing against her values as an individual, they were also likely to impede her goal of creating more faith in the world.

'_Now, what did X say? I can't directly interfere in the state of the world? I can pick an apostle and must be frugal with blessings and miracles. But, he didn't explain the first damned thing on how to do that!' _Tanya gritted her teeth before punching the orb. In an odd sense of apprehension, she blinked as it began to exhume a golden glow, beckoning her inside, the hue only brightening until it all but enveloped her. Her hand never left the spot on the map where she had punched the Domain.

She closed her eyes in a panic, feeling an intense wind ripple around her. Frantically, she flapped her wings, causing the deafening wind to die down. When she opened her eyes cautiously, she had been left in awe as she found herself outside of Office H., she was in this new world, in the domain.

She found she could easily float around, without having to flap her wings. Apparently, X had a sense of humor, making her look like an angel with wings that were just there for decoration. Tanya noticed that no one seemed to notice or care for her flying around, only to remember X's words that only the truly faithful could see her.

Flying around the Domain made her somewhat homesick, as it reminded her of her old home Japan. But as she looked around, she came to the conclusion that there wouldn't be much she could do to influence the Domain. They were still relatively isolated from the world, and while she could see the benefits they could bring, she also acknowledged that it wasn't the same as her old home.

No, if she was going to make faith a solid business model, then she needed good customers capable of carrying out her will. But, how was she supposed to do that? She could fly fast yes, but she could hardly be everywhere at once around the world no matter how fast she moved, and it would make her work that much more ineffective. Already, she was starting to miss Office H, as it allowed her a much better vantage point to observe the world.

The bright light consumed her once more, and she was back at her office. She blinked at this new knowledge, now knowing two things; a way to listen in on the world, and how to travel the world.

Now, if she had some paper and pen, she would have liked to take down notes. Instead, she would just have to learn and commit to memory what she could learn about this world. She quickly found out that things weren't exactly the same as her old world.

Not just due to the communists somehow existing without a great war in the first place, but there was a nation known as the Empire, which reminded her of old Germany before the first world war, except it was bigger, having absorbed some nations. It was very modernized compared to the other nations, very grounded in logic and reasoning.

It was a good candidate, and could very well spread her message of faith. But she still needed to look over the other nations. Much to her annoyance, The Empire wasn't the only devout nation praying for divine providence in the conflict to come. But, of the nations she paid attention to, Dacia and The Entente seemed ill-equipped for such a fight.

Thus, Tanya deemed them unreliable candidates at best, instead, looking at the other prominent powers that would have a stake in the coming war. The United States seemed to be keeping to itself, but would likely get involved once a winner was on the horizon. For now, it seemed they were more than willing to sell weapons, rather than truly commit.

The Francois seemed unsuited for their grudge against the Empire, and would likely falter if they didn't have the support of other nations. And then there was Albion, who was hanging back hoping to play mediator after it was all said and done. With a lack of a better term, Tanya despised all of them for failing to tend to the communist threat.

A thought crossed her mind, an interesting one. What if she could persuade these powers to attack the Commies? Wipe them off the face of the earth? But that would likely require her to provoke the Commies into an attack. It sounded all well and good to her.

She came to a crux; she needed to inspire faith in whatever the hell X was. He seemed to model himself off the typical Abrahamic god, but Tanya needed something to convince people that it was the 'Heavens' that were truly deserving of worship for winning the war. Perhaps she would need to choose an apostle, the only question she faced now was: what country would she choose as her great champion?

Who alone would be worthy to spread the divine word, and shape the course of human destiny? It was a tough choice to make, and she didn't have long until the inevitable war. Part of her wanted to pick the United States since she knew that in her old world they had gained the largest military might.

The only issue was that they likely wouldn't enter the war until later down the line. She needed someone to emerge as the triumphant victor overall in the war, not someone who came in at the last moment claiming all the glory while those most invested lost the most blood. And perhaps if the Empire, with only one ally, managed to come out against all odds against these other nations, then it would be seen as a true god-given miracle.

But she needed more time to decide. After all, trying to calculate how the war might go with the factor of magic was rather unconventional. To her credit, Tanya had been something of a war buff back in her previous life. And this new world was rather similar, so she would just need to figure out the right steps.

The first being whose leaders to influence during the war, then she needed a worthy apostle to carry out her will. Someone worthy of her protection would carry their nation to victory and spread the word of faith. It was like being a divine sponsor, making Tanya crack her knuckles as she was sure as hell going to give this new job of hers every ounce of effort.

Although she wondered just what would happen if she succeeded, or failed, at her job? Would she still be stuck in this job, or would X simply cast her out? Tanya didn't want to think too much about that right now. So she got back to work, studying the new world, tolerating the intense mental pain of hearing vast multitudes of voices, evaluating who would be her best clients. And for the best outcome, she could try to manipulate for the war.

**A/N: Before ya ask. No this won't be a new story. This was mostly a fun one-shot, I do have other stories already after all. But if you guys get inspired and want to try it yourself, more power to you. Sure I am tempted, but need to get my stories off the ground lolz.**

**Now then as for my other stories, I will get to them. But since October is just around the corner, I will be doing some Halloween one-shots.**

**Also if I had made this into a full story, well Tanya would have to experiment around to see what else she could do. And likely would put some thought into whom she would choose as her Apostle.**

**Until next time, Stenv signing out.**


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